just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
