There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Rumble strips road head = magical
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
