I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
