is wine microwaveable?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize