new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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