yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
