I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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