If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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