Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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