yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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