I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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