New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
