Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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