You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
