normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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