can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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