Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
