i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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