Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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