needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
