That's when you crack a 10am beer
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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