I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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