She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
