Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
