You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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