I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
