I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
