Christians are straight up FREAKS
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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