my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I checked into jail on foursquare
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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