I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
