My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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