Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
