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Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
