just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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