I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
