just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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