Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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