I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
