3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
