non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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