mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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