The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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