dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
