I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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