hotel room ftw
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
