You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I touched a dick in church today
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
