She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
