if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
