I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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