Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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