oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
