HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
