I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
