you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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