I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
