i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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