goodnight i made you a song goodbye
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
