Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
