I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
