everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
