he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
