If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
