I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
