i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
