I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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