she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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