also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
