Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
