I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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