Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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