Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
