i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
