Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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